i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
