you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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