There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You're so nebulous sometimes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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