There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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