I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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