You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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