Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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