He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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