So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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