ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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