soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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