And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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