youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
