she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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