I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my liver is dry heaving
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
