I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
