Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
