why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
