stop calling my apartment porn island.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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