I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
