So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize