the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
