i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
