I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
