I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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