Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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