I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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