Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
