I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
