Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
