i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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