in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
