His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
