I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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