I wish I only lived at night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
