I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
