Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
