How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
