If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
