I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
