apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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