and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
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