I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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