Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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