I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
