So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
