I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize