Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
