My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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