But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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