What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
