found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
