She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
