wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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