Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
