people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
