In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
