...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
