All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
