Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
