with your own penis?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Randomize
