also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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