The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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