I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
