The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
