Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
