I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
