why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
