Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Less talking, more tequila
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
