dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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