I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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