The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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